CONfindence

I was always successful in every interview I went to… even turned down a couple job offers in my life…. But now I don’t have any faith in myself anymore… no confidence… unemployed for 5mnths now and so much rejection I’m starting to believe I’m not good for anything… I even applied for a clerical position where I know I’d be bored every single day, the salary was much lower than I’m used to but I need the job and even they don’t want me… the desperation must come across in the interview…. I’m supposed to CON ppl into thinking I’m the right person for the job… how am I supposed to sell myself in interviews wen I don’t believe I’m good enuf myself? This lack of confidence flows over to other areas of my life too… my friends… bless their souls… I love them all to bits… I’m invited out, I even get onto guest lists which is awesome… sometimes ppl say they’r broke but they classify having less than R3k in their accounts as being broke… wen I say I’m broke I mean I cant even buy myself 1drink wen I go out… and I cannot stand having someone pay my way… I know they mean well and I really appreciate it but it makes me feel uncomfortable… I'm afraid to order water cos they mite just ask me "still or sparkling?"… then there’s men… maybe if I wasn’t so lonely and someone liked me I’d like myself again… but even the guy that I was sorta maybe kinda interested in who actually wanted to date me has lost interest… the last time I saw him he was so keen to see me again but even he’s ignoring me… I guess I should be happy i still have my health… so... here I am feeling all poofy… feeling ugly, feeling stupid and feeling low.